it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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