So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
