I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
