you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
