I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
