oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
