Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
