I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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