do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
