I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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