I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
