i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
pray to the hookup gods
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
