So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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