toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
