That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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