he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
