u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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