Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
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