Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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