i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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