I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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