My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
