if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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