He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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