Can i not drive my cunt home
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
