Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
