After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Randomize
