I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ugly people sure do ruin things
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
