I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sext me about skeletons
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
