i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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