do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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