I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
