Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
