he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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