God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
