drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
