are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
