the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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