worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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