Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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