New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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