no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
