Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
