I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
