Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
