My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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