dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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