Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
