She is in my trunk
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
