i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
my poor anus
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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