you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
