If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
